Motivation - My friend and Enemy

Father's Love

After getting a really sweet comment from my friend Karen today on the blog here I've decided "You know what it is time that I take action" so in that regards I've decided I'm going to turn this blog into a more personal take on my life, troubles, ambitions, let downs, and a much more personal account of my photography that I've previously wanted to do here.


I suppose I should give you all a little bit more information of who I am. As some of you may already know I am a father and a husband to a beautiful little girl (she's 3) and my wife Tiffany. Growing up I was always aspiring to be a musician. I got my first Electric guitar at the age of 12 and learned so many... nothings. I was never really the best or had the Motivation to really learn how to play. Don't get me wrong I could play a little here or there and would learn things, but I hardly practiced and never remembered what I had learned come a couple weeks down the road.


My beautiful girl Maddie and my wife Tiffany


Before going into High School I wanted to take up Music, and my dad got me a recently graduated Band Student (from my future HS) to teach me how to play "The Baritone" which I actually did very well in it. I was never the best horn player, but I chose variety over specializing in that regards as I took up Trombone (much more fun than Baritone), Trumpet, Tuba, Souzaphone (marching Tuba), Bassoon at one point, did play guitar finally in one of the Jazz Combo bands, always wanted to take up percussion, but all the drummers I didn't get along with that well with the exception of my friend Jason Montgomery (Back Pocket Memory). What can I say, it was pretty exciting being a "Band Nerd"!


So how does this relate to photography? Well when I was a little kid I used to love holding my fathers old Pentax Spotmatic SLRs and playing with how things looked in the lenses and how changing the lenses made things look. I was on a Bokeh high I suppose as I used to keep the lenses fully open and focus on things. haha


So around that same time I was taking up Guitar, learning Baritone, and getting ready to make my grand leap into High School my dad hands me the old Spotmatics and some film and says he's going to try and teach me. So we go up to Big Bear, CA and learn composition and things like that. I really did not know technical exposures (news days Dad always told me F11 @ 1/500th, Tri-X) The photos I took were alright, but really they were probably crap as I just sucked at it. So when I finally hit my Junior year of High School I signed up with the photography program as an elective with Mr. Tim Brehm, who has been teaching an excellent award winning and recognized program nation wide (John Burroughs High School). I enjoyed the program very much, but lacked the motivation to really learn everything. Working in Dark Rooms was fun, developing prints, The smell of Developer and Fixer, the pure yellow color cast of Sodium Vapor dark room lights. Wow the memories!


Through out my late High School years and into college I developed an interest in Videography and majored in Television production and engineering in College. I then met my wife and we had a child on the way and ended up deciding the best thing for me was to go out and work because we were flat broke. Well I'm still broke, but I believe all that Lack of Motivation has finally caught up with me and now I'm Motivated!


I lost my job with Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment back in March of 2008 and then the Economy started crapping out. I couldn't find any work. I was reading an article on Luminious Landscapes about becoming a professional art photographer and it motivated me to take the hobby into that next level and purchase that DSLR I had been putting off since the Canon 10D was released. I financed my Canon 40D (still paying it off ) and started learning as much as I could. Again the photos were crap, but at least I had Auto Mode to get me by. I remember telling my wife, or as she puts it she remembers me telling her "This will be great honey, I'm going to get this camera and I'll be using it to make a lot of money. I'll have it paid off and everything." Well come a year and a half later and I've only actually made about $26 in purely photography services. This brings me back to the main subject of Motivation. I was so full of Motivation at that point in my life I was running with ambition but lacked a solid plan to get from Point A to Point B.

So Motivation can be your friend and your enemy. In the since it can give you that push to do and follow the things you really want to accomplish, but it can lead you down paths you may not actually be prepared for. I'm finally coming to the point where I feel I'm prepared to take the steps to get to that next level and become a professional.


What exactly is a professional though? Well in the words of David Hobby a pro is anybody who makes 51% of their income from Photography. So I'm definitely not at that point yet, but as my funds keep dwindling to nothing pretty soon Photography may be my only income source and maybe I'll hit that Pro Status (according to Mr. Hobby ;) )


I've been reading a lot more lately and one of my favorite photographers and blogs is Zack Arias (his Blog can be found here) he is a down to earth, normal guy who just happens to love and make his income from the same things as I. He did a great, depressing, but inspiration video for Scott Kelby's Photoshop Insider blog last year titled "Transform" which really got me thinking about the self doubt we all go through as Photographers. It almost as if there's a unity there in the photography community where we all go through something similar.


This last couple of weeks I've been very unmotivated to do photography as I've been trying to deal with the other callamitys of life and money troubles. At several points in the past couple of weeks I've come to the point where I've seriously considered giving it all up. Go back to that 9-5 office job. Work in a little cubicle hoping to at least get a small window to see the world flash by. Watch the Sun's light change the shadows, shapes, and colors. Somehow I don't think I could ever be the same again.... not after this.

So the question is how do you find the Motivation to keep going, but to not get over ambitious and rush yourself into things you are not ready for. I'd love to hear some opinions on this so I'd like everybody to leave some comments on here and share your own personal stories, and ideas on my thoughts.

Thank you for reading
-Steven


A self portrait drawing of me and my camera